by Empress
Please note that all of the contents listed
on this webpage are fictional.
It is in no way meant to be taken seriously. It's satire at it's
semi-best, people.
Lighten up and learn to take a joke.
Meet Our Staff:
(Click his picture to see Hunter's cover of HHoH
Magazine)
Triple H:
Co-Owner
That is, of course, if the two of them aren't sequestered in The Game Room, testing out one of the many Adult Toys that they carry in their product line.
(Click his picture to see Al's cover of HHoH
Magazine)
Al Snow:
Head of
Security
Along with that overwhelming duty, it's also Al's responsibility to keep Co-Owner Nan sane, and prevent her from losing it and attacking his fellow employees.
Al does a fantastic job and we're pleased to have him on board.
Test:
Purchasing Agent
& General Mischief Maker
Test is HHoH's purchasing
agent, making it his responsibility to provide well stocked shelves for
all of the interesting items that HHoH carries. Have a special order?
Just ask Test and he'll be more than happy to accommodate you.
When he's not busy ordering product, Test usually can be found throwing
large, boisterous parties in the office, while the Bosses are away. And
they usually involve the re-decoration of the Executive Offices with
animal prints…or in some cases…live animals.
Also, recently, Test has been promoted to Masseur. He'll be more than
eager to help you work out any…kinks…you've developed throughout
your stressful week.
Rhyno:
Head Enforcer
& Chief Executioner
The Man-Beast, as we at HHoH
like to call him, heads up our staff of Enforcers, those employees, who
along with their regular duties, still go out to help frustrated
customers with their quarrelsome problems.
Recently, he's been promoted to Chief Executioner, so that when Co-Owner
Nan does snap and orders an execution, Rhyno is johnny-on-the-spot with
his trusty chainsaw.
Rhyno is well known for his love of English tea, and scones. And reports
say he's a gem to have around the house for those heavy to move
objects…like Kurt Angle.
Spike
Dudley:
Front Desk Secretary
Spike is usually your first
contact at HHoH whether it be for enforcement services or to make
reservations for one of our many amenities. Spike goes above and beyond
the call of duty, often working late hours, or simply cowering under his
desk, hiding from Rico. He'll do his absolute best to make sure you're
completely satisfied with your HHoH experience.
But Spike isn't always all about work. He has his fun side too, as can
be seen from the Official HHoH memorandum found here:
Memo
Rico:
Fashion Consultant
& Interior Designer
Mister Rico, as he prefers to be called, is in
charge of all computer software, and clothing lines offered at HHoH.
He's just the man to see if you've been looking for that special
fish-net thong and have been unable to locate it.
Also, Mister Rico has innovated an interior design consulting service.
Want your boudoir re-done? Just call Rooms By Rico and
he'll hurry to help you out. You can be guaranteed that a room decorated
by Mister Rico is a one-of-a-kind original.
Hardcore Holly:
Enforcer - Terminated
Hardcore "Bob" Holly was the first employee of Hunter's House of Hammers to ever have been terminated from the organization. While we feel saddened by Hardcore's absence, no alternative recourse of action could be found to keep him on at HHoH. A copy of the termination notice of Hardcore can be found here.
The Big Show:
Head of Accounts
Show keeps all of HHoH's
books and is responsible for making sure that we stay in the black. He
oversees all payrolls, as well as incoming and outgoing commodities. He
is a true gem with numbers and it's thanks to him that HHoH has seen a
75% increase in profits this year.
Way to go, Show!
Cactus Jack:
Demolitions &
Explosives Expert
Cactus, along with being the
best authority on explosives and corrosive liquids, takes his duties at
HHoH very seriously. He insists on personally examining each and every
piercing stock item brought into HHoH, determined to provide only the
best to our customers.
And he's the best damn bartender we've ever had!
Chuck Palumbo:
Enforcer
Chuck just recently joined
HHoH and while he's not been with us long, he's already proven himself
as a true find. He's experienced at dodging for cover, ferreting out
just the perfect hiding space under non-booby-trapped desks, and is a
real whiz at smart-assed comebacks.
Rumor has it that he'll be the winner of the "Pin The Tail On The
Olympic Dumb-ass" dart competition this fall.
We're glad to have Chuck aboard!
Stone Cold Steve Austin:
Enforcer
Steve is also new to our
little family here at HHoH, replacing the recently terminated Hardcore
Holly. Among his Enforcer duties, Steve also helps out with alcohol
control…mainly because he controls it all, therefore we have no problems
with patrons who've had too much.
We look for big things from Steve this year!
