Childhood Friendships
Lifelong Connections
by Mistress Anna

• Christmas 2005
• Randy throws Rebecca off balance
• Carrie experiences a family holiday, in spite of herself
• Mike's plan are thwarted
• Dave gives Kris a surprise
• Thanks, as always to Nan for the graphic!

Feedback: yes please, always appreciated!

John turned his head to check that he wasn’t hearing things over the game.  His brother Danny looked at him strangely, noticing that his brother’s attention had been diverted from the college game. 

“What the hell’s wrong now,” Danny asked.  John used to always be able to tell when either one of their parents would make a surprise appearance, or at least he’d be able to give them a few seconds warning so they‘d have a chance to pretend they’d been good.  John frowned and shook his head, trying to figure out what he was hearing. 

“Em’s with Mom, right,” John asked.  Danny nodded at the location of his wife.  He knew they were upstairs wrapping and scheming. 

“Where’s Benji,” John asked quietly, still trying to pin down what he was hearing.  Benji’s dad shrugged, assuming he was with his mother and grandma.  He rarely was out of his grandmother’s sight when they visited. 

“Dad, Toad’s losing it,” Danny said to John Senior as he walked back in carrying three cans of beer.   

“I am not,” John said irritably.  He levered himself out of his comfy spot on the couch, relinquishing his prime TV spot.  Senior watched his oldest in silence since he had come into the discussion half way through and didn’t want to be drawn into any petty argument today, not the day before Christmas Eve.  John walked slowly to the top of the stairs leading down into the basement family room.   

He blinked as he heard the words, “I thought that music mattered, does it bollocks.”   

He knew that intro, he knew that song.  He was curious how Benji had managed to find it first and then figure out the complicated stereo.  He walked down a few steps and stopped, speechless. 

Carrie spotted him on the steps and winked.  He sat down on a stair and watched the show.  Carrie and Benji were singing, or lip synching.  He was pretty sure Carrie wasn’t singing to an old club song of his.  He didn’t stop his head from bopping up and down to the simple rhythm.   

Benji was singing and bouncing to the words, like the little boy John knew was locked away from the world.  Benji was usually reticent because of his stuttering, but he was signing and bouncing to the tune like any normal kid.  As that thought struck him, he knew his love for Carrie deepened because of her compassion for his nephew. 

As the verse kept repeating, “I get knocked down, I get up again” Benji would fall down on the couch, getting up quickly, but he was usually off on his timing.  So he’d try to bounce even quicker to catch up.  Carrie gave him a warning look that he seemed to understand because he waited as she lip synched through the chorus, complete with pretending to consume the beverages.

He drinks a whiskey drink as she downed an imaginary shot.

He drinks a vodka drink, she smiled drinking another invisible drink

He drinks a lager drink, she held a large imaginary glass and pretended to toss it down quickly.

He drinks a cider drink and she pulled a face as she sipped the last one.  Her funny face made Benji giggle.  John knew he was grinning like an idiot on the stairs, just watching them play.  This was a side to his baby that he didn’t get to see very often, particularly recently.  She’d been sick for a while and now?  Now it seemed like the water works never stopped and he knew that pissed her off but she couldn’t stop herself. 

As the chorus started up again, Benji was back to theatrically falling down and trying to get up again quick enough to keep up with the song.  He hadn’t seen his uncle watching on the stairs yet and John kind of hoped he didn’t in case it inhibited him.  John stayed quiet, but knew the sight below would be forever imprinted on his memory.  He knew without a doubt that every time he heard the song, he’d think of Benji and Carrie singing and dancing in his parents’ basement.  The last of the song faded and John was just getting ready to walk down and announce his presence to Benji when the next song started. 

Where did she find this, he wondered as House of Pain’s Jump started.  His head was nodding to an old favorite of his first.  He delighted in watching his baby lip synch the rap and hunch her shoulders to get into the groove.  Benji was bouncing next to her, grinning, waiting for his cue, John was sure.  John knew the song and knew Benji wouldn’t have long to wait.  As soon as Carrie pointed at him for the first of the chorus, Benji started jumping up and down. 

Before he realized it, John was moving down the steps to join in.  He caught his nephew in mid jump and turned and put him on the couch.  Benji grinned back at the surprise interruption of his uncle.  John nodded his head to the beat and motioned for Benji to continue to jump up and down, this time on the couch.  The song continued to play with all three jumping up and down to the beat in some sort of rhythm.  Before long, Carrie started to giggle at John's lack of rhythm, and Benji joined in.  John faked a serious frown for his nephew and received more laughter for his trouble. 

John was bouncing up and down and laughing at his baby's antics.  She was also jumping, but still trying to lip synch to Benji.  Benji was bouncing up and down on the couch trying to touch the ceiling. 

As the song faded, John got a delish gleam in his eye.  Carried saw it and worried.  Oh shit, now what?  She found out quickly as he grabbed her and Benji both, pulling them to the couch with him as he fell on to it. 

Benji giggled at being pinned by his uncle.  Carrie didn't giggle, but she did smile at his antics and how he jumped into play with them. 

"How'd you learn to dance like that, Bubba," John asked his nephew. 

"Miss Carrie," Benji said clearly, without a hint of a stutter.   

"Really," John said and grinned at him.  He tightened his arm around Carrie and pulled her closer to him.  "What else did she teach you, sport?"  

Benji got quiet and looked down as he started to say something else.  He fought hard to try to say something but his words wouldn't come.  Carrie smiled her encouragement at him, letting him know it was okay to stumble.  Benji got more embarrassed and jumped up from the impromptu pig pile on the couch and ran upstairs. 

"Shit," John said quietly as he looked at the woman he had pinned on the couch.  She started to lift his arm off from her waist, but he smirked at her and tensed, so she couldn't. 

"John?  What the hell," Carrie asked him. 

"Right where I want you," he said, pulling himself up as he kept her pinned with a heavy hand on her tummy.  She frowned at him, trying to get her point across without having to come right out and say it.  He wasn't impressed with her scowl, he winked at her in return.  She blinked in surprise at him as he chuckled. 

"If you don't let me up, so help me I'm gonna beat your ass," Carrie teased. 

"Baby, you know I like it when you talk dirty to me," John lobbed at her. 

"I will, one of these days John, I will beat your ass," the diminutive lady warned. 

"Yeah, yeah, I'm trembling just thinking about it," he teased. 

"John-" she started to say before her words were cut off as his lips met hers.  He groaned as her menthol flavor permeated his mouth.  He never thought of menthol as erotic before, but since she was always sucking on some since she'd arrived at his folks, he had come to enjoy it.  He knew it was because of his parent’s dog, she'd arrived ready with her supply.   He felt her push against his chest, so he lifted his lips away slowly. 

"I can't breathe," she reminded him.  His breath was ragged, but not because he couldn't breathe. 

"Jesus, Carrie.  I'm sorry, I forgot," he admitted.  Dumb fuck, he thought to himself.  He knew she had menthols so she could at least breathe a little and here he was forgetting about that.  He needed to get his brain back in gear since she’d be leaving to go home soon. 

“How did you find my music, Baby,” John asked her.  She shook her head at him as she sat up, in spite of his now lightly resting hand on her tummy. 

“Who says it’s you music?  You think you own it or what,” she teased. 

“Uh no,” John said, unsure of her teasing.  He frowned as he looked at the stereo, still silent.  He did see a small book like object with an ipod sitting upright in it.  It took him several seconds to realize what he was seeing.  He grinned and leaned over to kiss her on her forehead.  “You?  You have that music in your pod,” he asked. 

“Don’t look so surprised,” Carrie said with a smirk. 

“They’ll revoke your head bangers ball membership,” he teased. 

“Asshole,” she smiled at him and returned his kiss, meeting his lips for a quick, safe peck.  He stayed quiet as she pulled her lips away, but his eyes never left her face.  He had more questions now than he ever did for her, today’s play with Benji just added more to them. 

“How’d you know Benji’d like that stuff,” John asked, genuinely curious. 

“Little kids like that stuff and it’s harmless,” Carrie shrugged.  She saw a retort to her little kids comment forming so she headed his words off with, “Mikie used to like it and Wease loved it when he was a kid.” 

“Carrie, you are not that old,” John said quietly.  He brushed her hair back from her face without a thought.  “You’re only a few years older than me,” he reminded her.  Yeah, but I feel like I’ve lived too long and seen too much already, she thought. 

She stayed quiet but shook her head at his words.  No way was she going to shatter his perception of her and what he thought he knew about her.  She hoped like hell he’d never find out the whole truth.  Only one other person knew the entire truth and she knew she could trust him since he had lived part of it   She worried that her children would somehow find out and that they’d have to live with the shame of their mother’s past.  She raked her hair as she shoved those unpleasant thoughts away and refocused on the man sitting in front of her grinning. 

“What are you doing down here anyway?  Isn’t it football all day today,” Carrie asked.  He shrugged.  Yeah, football was on, but his team lost and he wanted to spend time with her anyway.  Part of his plan, in a bigger plan, was to spend time with her, let her see how his life was and how her life would be, if only she’d let it happen.  There were times when he thought he was getting through to her and then there were others times that she seemed to retreat from him.  But, she’d hadn’t done that at all today and yesterday wasn’t so bad either.  He made a decision. 

“Time for a new tradition,” John said as he stood up, scopping her up without warning. 

“Put me down, you troglodyte,” Carrie said as she tried to wriggle free. 

“Baby, don’t let me drop you,” John warned her.  She stopped her fussing and let him carry her up the stairs, back into the large den where Senior and Danny were still glued to the game.  Carrie noted that neither did more than glance her way before their attention went right back to the game. 

“Move over, Spanky,” John said as he sat down with Carrie still in his arms.  He effectively reclaimed his spot since he knew his brother wouldn’t be an asshole with Carrie around. 

“Spanky?  I’ll give you Spanky,” Danny grumbled as he moved.   

Carrie heard Danny mutter, “Fucking asshole, Toad.”   

John either didn’t hear it or pretended not to.  She was still trying to keep up with the brothers and the names they called each other.  It was as bad as all the guys she traveled with.  It must be a guy thing, she reasoned.  There was no other explanation that made any damn sense to her. 

“Spanky,” she asked John quietly.  He grinned and nodded, but stayed quiet. 

*** 

She was trying unsuccessfully to stop her giggles from developing into full blown laughter.  Carrie wiped her eyes as she took a breath. 

"Please," she pleaded.  "please don't tell me you said that while you lived there," she said just before she doubled over as her laughter continued.  The man to her right was confused by her reaction.  He frowned, not sure if she was teasing him or not. 

"Baby, what the hell is so damn funny," he asked.  He quirked his lips up on one side and waited.  She giggled some more and looked over at his sister in law and saw her amusement reflected.  Somehow Emma was able to not giggle at his announcement, but then maybe it was because she'd lived in Oregon, not California. 

"John, you did not call it Cally while you lived there," Carrie pleaded.  John looked at her like she might have a loose lug nut or something, anything to explain her outburst. 

"What's the big fuckin deal?  Of course I called it Cali .  Everybody calls it Cali ," John said in exasperation.  At his pronouncement and inability to understand how his words had marked him as an outsider - worse, an Easterner when he thought he was being cool and fitting in made it more amusing to her. 

"Um no, they don't.  Only people from the right coast call it Cali.  I thought you knew that?  Did you get charged extra for shit?  Did girls walk away from you when you started talking about how long you'd been in Cali ," she quizzed.  He frowned, mulling over her words.  Shit, maybe she was right.  As long as he didn't talk too much he was fine and the women flocked to him.  There were a ton of pretty women to choose from normally.  But for some reason, there were times when he seemed to be shunned.  He figured his deodorant failed or something, but maybe she was right. 

"How do you know what they call it?  You ever live there," he demanded. 

She sobered at his question and his tone.  She sensed she might have teased him a bit too much, at least in front of his brother and sister in law. 

"Yeah, I did.  For years.  Land of the geeks, don't forget," she reminded him.  He nodded slightly as he understood her meaning.  "Trust me, no one calls California, Cali that lives there.  If they do, they soon find out how much it irritates the natives.  And there are some natives, no matter what anyone thinks."  Emma nodded at Carrie's words.  "How would you feel if someone mangled Massachusetts or Boston or God forbid, the Blue Sox?"  She knew that would provoke an instant reaction. 

"What the fuck?  Did you just say blue sox," Dan asked her, glancing at his brother across the table.  He couldn't be serious, dating a women that didn't even know that the team was the Red Sox.  It was sacrilegious. 

"Baby, tell me you didn't just say that," John said instantly. 

"Oops, I mean White Sox," she said.  At the groan from the two men, she smirked at her co conspirator and continued.  "What?  Green sox, blue sox, white sox.  What the fuck, sounds like a Doctor Seuss story to me," she giggled.  John slapped his hands to his face and buried his head on the table. 

"No.  You can't be serious, Toad," Dan said to his brother.  John's only noise was a groan. 

"Shit, you guys are too damn easy.  Of course I know it's the Red Sox, for shit's sake.  It's all I ever hear about, with the exception of the Patriots," she reminded the man on her right. 

"Damn Baby," he said as he lifted his head.  "Don't ever tease about that.  It's too important."  She smirked at him and grabbed his head and pulled him to her.  She tilted his head down and kissed his forehead quickly. 

"Damn, get a fuckin' room," Danny said. 

"Danny," Emma chided him. 

"What?  Oh wait, they don't need one.  They been there, done that," Danny teased his brother without thought of the small women across from him. 

"You're just jealous, asshole," John. 

"When you gonna tell mom and dad the big news," Danny asked his brother.  John frowned at his brother, not sure what the hell he was talking about. 

"What big news?  We ain't got no big news," John said quickly without looking at Carrie, he was pleased to note. 

"You dumb fuck.  Do I look as stupid as you?  Don't tell me you're not gonna tell Mom & Dad about the baby," Danny asked as he rolled his eyes at his older brother. 

"What baby," was John's instant denial.  Danny turned to his wife with a smirk. 

"Really, I do not look that stupid, do I," he asked.  Emma shook her head but refrained from comment, since it seemed that Carrie's pregnancy was a still secret.   

"Just for the record, yeah you do look that stupid," John said quietly.  Carrie flashed a quick glare at him and his words.  Brothers, she sighed to herself.  "Mom and Dad already know," John said quietly. 

"I knew it!  You fuck head," Danny said triumphantly, smiling at his bride.  He had just won their private bet.  She bet him that John wouldn't admit to Carrie's pregnancy.  There was never any doubt that she was, after seeing the way John constantly touched her and was very attentive to anything and everything she might need.  Plus, it was obvious he was totally nuts about her, the whole damn family could see that. 

"When are you due, do you know," Emma asked.  Carrie smiled shyly since it still new and unexpected.   

"Late April, they say.  But we've been warned it could be a couple weeks either way.  They could be born in mid April, or not until mid May," Carrie said quietly.  Emma blinked at the other woman's words.  She had instantly heard the pronoun they, not it, or him or her. 

"They," Emma asked in surprise.  Carrie nodded in silence as she threw an apologetic look at John.  He winked at her.  He was okay with them knowing.  He didn't really think he could fool Danny, they knew each other too well.

"Yeah, we had an ultrasound last week and found out we're having two boys," John proudly announced. 

"No shit," was all Danny could say.  He reached across the table and grabbed his brother's hand.  It wasn't enough for him.  Danny stood up and stepped up to his brother, waiting for him to stand.  A heartbeat later, John stood up and hugged his brother.  "Congratulations, Toad.  Matt is gonna be so fuckin' pissed."  Emma stood up and reached for her potential sister in law so she could add her congratulations to the mix.  Carrie was a little overwhelmed by the acceptance of the news, but grateful that someone else in the family knew.  It was getting complicated trying to keep the secret from John's entire family, plus John wasn’t very good at hiding stuff when it came to his family.  He kept touching her and her tummy, when he thought no one was looking. 

*** 

I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless
Lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure
Of walking in your shoes
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
Linkin Park - Numb
 

She closed her phone slowly and set it back on the dresser.  She knew he wouldn’t be happy and she was right.  But she hadn’t counted on him going ballistic, again.  He said he understood about the weather, about the airport being closed.  He said he would much rather that she stayed and was safe, but he wasn’t happy that she’d be spending an extra day or two with the Cena family, particularly at Christmas.  He had been very clear about that.  She had a horrible feeling exactly why he was pissed, she'd thrown his plans for a loop, again.  Secretly she was relieved since she wasn't ready to deal with what he might have planned.  She had an awful feeling just exactly what mother nature’s snow had derailed. 

So much had happened in the last few days, it felt like her whole world had shifted in the short time she’d been at the Cena’s.  She’d felt protected and secure for the first time in way too many years with someone other than family.  It felt like she could almost let her hair down and just be herself.  Not completely of course, since she tended to walk around semi clothed most of the time at home.  But other than that small foible, she felt almost safe enough to relax and live a little.  Knowing she was treading on dangerous ground, she pushed those thoughts away for now.  Too many other issues were clamoring for her attention, the crap on the phone was just the latest. 

She let out a deep breath, trying to calm herself.  She was a guest here and didn’t want to upset the household any more than she already had by just being here.  She looked around at the room she was staying in and grinned.  It must have been one of the boys rooms growing up.  Some of the items had been updated, but the Hercules poster on the back of the door was still there.  It was easy to miss unless you were inside and closed the door.  She didn’t mind, she used to have a huge crush on Kevin Sorbo when she was younger.  The poster was just one of many things that welcomed her and made her feel at home.   

She giggled to herself as she remembered last night after dinner Claire insisting that she wasn’t allowed to help in the kitchen or with any clean up since that's what her boys were for.  The rueful looks John shared with Steve and Matt made her smile.  Obviously helping their mother wasn’t new and they seemed to know it was expected.  Matt untangled himself from his wife and smacked his younger brother on the back of his head on the way past, more as a habit than anything else.  She didn’t have a bunch of brothers growing up, so she didn’t know if that was normal.  She had a feeling it was, remembering some of the boys’ antics on the road.   

That thought brought back some of the last month or so with the boys.  It had been a tough couple of months and all of the crew was looking forward to the holiday break.  She knew David was, since he was such a gentle soul and was struggling with the loss of Eddie.  He wasn’t the only one, but she knew him well.  She knew how hard it was for him, night after night listening to the Eddie chants by adoring and well meaning fans.  She’d seen him as he walked off with tears running down his face more often than not.  She’d had to buy him several extra batteries for his cell phone since he was constantly calling home and talking to Kris or the kids.  She was grateful for the extended family support of all of the crew.  They cared about each other and in times of crisis was when it showed.  She remembered that Hunter had been calling David daily for weeks right afterwards, in spite of the fact he was trying to cope with his own pain and loss.  Thinking about Hunter made her shake her head.  He was such a big softy, but he hid it better than most.  She’d seen him cut someone open with just a few words and leave them bleeding from his verbal abuse as he sauntered away.  But, she knew that was only one side to him since she knew him away from the ring and the lights and the fans.  She knew the man behind The Game. 

Her vibrating cell brought her attention back to the present and she frowned at the device on its perch.  She picked it up and read the number.  Damn, that was fast, she thought.  He must have hung up and called Kris immediately.

“He didn’t waste any time, did he,” Carrie said as she answered the phone.  She wasn’t sure if it was Kris or David, so she played it safe with her comment. 

“Um no,” Kris said quietly.  “He’s pretty upset and he called to talk to Dave about it, but Dave’s in the gym so I got to hear all about it.”  Kris shook her head at Mike’s tirade.  She knew her sister well and she’d tried to warn Mike that his current actions probably weren’t the best way to deal with the unexpected change in plans.  He’d gone on to yell about having to make excuses to his family and how he didn’t want to have to tell them that she preferred spending her holiday break with John’s family instead of his.  She’d tried to tell him that his family would understand, especially if he told them the truth.   

“Sorry about that, honey.  It’s not fair putting you in the middle of our shit,” Carrie said as she raked her fingers through her hair, again. 

“Don’t worry about it.  It’s what family’s are for, you know that,” Kris reassured her sister. 

“Yeah, but he does get his boxers in a bunch over this kind of shit,” Carrie said quietly.  His temper she knew about, it was one of the parts of his personality that she was usually able to work around.  But not today.  Not about this.  She sighed thinking about all the upcoming years and this exact kind of thing.  There would have to be a plan in place to ensure no one felt slighted. 

“We can handle it.  You know that.”  Kris took a deep breath and let it out as she switched gears on her sister.  “So what’s on the agenda today since you’re not flying out?  And is it really two feet deep,” Kris teased. 

“Um, I don’t really know.  No one else is up yet, I don’t think.  Their house is already decorated with a huge pretty tree so I’m not sure what they do the day before.  Probably eat.  These boys eat almost as much as Wease,” she giggled. 

“Really,” Kris joined in the laughter.  Wease’s appetite was astounding, particularly since he didn’t seem to gain any weight, no matter what he ate.  Dave teased his younger brother in law about it mercilessly sometimes.  “We’ll be doing some of that today too.” 

“I’m not surprised.  I haven’t called the folks yet since I know they were expecting me.  I’ll call them in a little while and let them know.  Unless,” Carrie sighed.  “Unless Mike’s already called them.” 

“Would he do that,” Kris asked. 

“I don’t know.  Maybe,” Carrie shrugged.  She knew Neal and Darlene were looking forward to having her in town this holiday since she usually spent the time visiting friends overseas.  “I’ll call them in a while anyway and apologize.  I’ve gotta call Wease anyway,” she said in reference to figuring out her flight plans. 

“Do I dare ask,” Kris teased in reference to Carrie’s worry about her welcome from the Cena clan.  Carrie had worried about it for weeks, in spite of John’s assurances.   

“You were both right,” Carrie admitted good naturedly.  She shook her head over how both of John’s parents had welcomed her into their home without any reservations.  “John’s the spitting image of his dad, it’s kinda creepy.” 

“Really?  That is interesting,” Kris said.  She’d always wondered what Dave’s dad looked like but had never even seen any pictures thanks to a very messy divorce.  “Does he still have his hair,” Kris giggled as she asked. 

“Oh yeah, tons of it.  I think John’s, um I mean Junior’s, hair is shorter though.” 

“No shit?  Do they really call him that?” 

“Yeah, they do,” Carrie giggled with her sister.  She was grateful to Kris that she was able to take her mind off the huge blow up she’d just had with Mike.  “Not all the time, sometimes he gets called Johnny.”  Kris laughed at the tough guy image of the Doctor of Thuganomics being called Johnny.  It just seemed ridiculous to her. 

“What do you call him?  Have you called him Johnny,” Kris teased.  She knew Carrie’s feelings for John were a lot more than she was willing to admit, but she kept it to herself for now. 

“Shit, I barely get to call him anything.  He’s right by my side, all the time.  He’s been this bad since the ultrasound,” Carrie admitted. 

“You know why, don’t you,” Kris asked her sister. 

"Um, not really.  It’s like he’s just now realizing I’m pregnant or something and thinks I might break.  It’s a little irritating,” Carrie grumbled. 

“It’s finally real for him, Care.  He got to see and hear them for the first time.  Makes it real finally.”  Kris heard her sister start to say something but she cut her off with, “It’s not that he didn’t think it before, but he finally feels a part of it.” 

Carrie was quiet as she comprehended what Kris was telling her.  It might explain away some of his behavior, she realized.  “When did you get so smart,” she teased. 

“Remember, I’ve been through this before and Dave was the same.  Trust me.  When you start showing more, he’ll be even worse.  It’s like they need proof and the more proof they have the more protective they become?  I don’t know, but just wait.  You’re gonna get it times two.” 

“Yeah, lucky me,” Carrie said quietly.  There were moments, moments like this morning, when she wasn’t sure of anything anymore.  Kris heard her tone and understood exactly what she didn’t say.  She’d been getting quieter recently, withdrawing again.  She attributed some of it to the recent loss of Eddie, but there was more brewing.  She knew Carrie too well to ignore the signs. 

“Does John rub your tummy,” Kris teased. 

“Fuck yeah, all the time.  I know he wants to be able to feel the babies, but honestly they aren’t that active yet.  I think he got lucky the other time since they’ve been hard for anyone to feel since then,” Carrie said quietly.  She stopped rubbing her tummy unconsciously and smiled at herself.  She didn’t know she’d been doing it until just then.  Did she walk around all the time rubbing the boys?  No wonder everyone else thought it was fine that they could just reach over and touch her tummy, even if she didn’t know them well enough to shake their hand.  That wasn’t exactly true, but it wasn’t far off.   

“I gotta let you go so I can get some breakfast ready for the growing brood.  Call me later, honey.  We won’t be at Mom and Dad’s until after five, so if you need anything…” Kris left the sentence unfinished knowing that her words were understood.    

“Okay.  Thanks.  Thanks for dealing with Mister Excitable.  I’ll call his folks and talk to them this morning anyway.  Plus, well shit, plus I’ve got a few other calls to make.  You know how I am,” Carrie laughed at herself. 

“Yeah, I do.  Don’t overdo it and call me if you want.  Bye,” Kris said in preparation for hanging up. 

“Thanks, bye,” Carrie said and pushed end.  She took a deep breath and checked the time, making sure it wasn’t too early.  She knew Misses Adams was an early riser so she should be safe.  She scrolled through her numbers trying to find their home number.  Just as she found it, she realized she better visit the restroom before dialing.  It was amazing the amount of time she spent running to the bathroom and she knew it was gonna only get worse. 

She finished up quietly in the bathroom, not wanting to wake anyone else and tip toed back to Hercules and her cell phone.  She closed the door slowly, trying to be as quiet as she could.  She picked up her cell, hit talk and waited.  She didn’t really think Mike’s parents were raving irrational lunatics like he’d portrayed them.  But she did owe them an apology, even if the weather wasn’t her fault. 

*** 

Randy’s eye snapped open, startled by the orientation of the room.  Less than a foot in front of his face was a leg to something.  A wooden leg, he realized.  He blinked a few times just to make sure but it didn’t change into something else.  It took him many more second to understand that he was laying flat on his back on a floor and the leg in question belonged to Rebecca’s coffee table. 

He slowly rolled over so he could get up.  Her floor was as hard as he knew it would be and his back was telling him how much it didn’t appreciate the abuse.  Too damn bad.  He wasn’t about to bully his way into her bed.  It was too important to him to do that.  She was too important to him.  Once up right he spotted the time on the small kitchen clock.  Still early and barely light out, he decided that once he’d finished in the bathroom, he’d go for a run to work the kinks out.   

Snagging her keys on the way out so he could lock the door behind him, he set off at a leisurely pace to start.  An hour later, he staggered back to her door.  The run had done him some good.  It had been too long since he’d run outside, usually only having time to run on a treadmill.  They weren’t the same and he’d forgotten how much he loved the feel of the pavement under his feet and the ever changing scenery.  He closed the door, locking it behind him automatically.  Rebecca never said, but after his run today he was more than a little worried for her safety.  After their talk last night, he’d come to realize that she was strong willed and passionate for what she believed in.  Knowing that she’d immediately rebel if he even suggested her moving somewhere safer for his piece of mind, he pushed those thoughts away for now. 

Now was time for a shower and a dash to the store.  During his run, he’d come up with the brilliant plan of serving her breakfast in bed, but knowing she didn’t have much in her cupboards, he’d have to go to the store before he could even start his plan.  He glanced around her small apartment, checking to make sure she hadn’t woken while he’d been out.  Nope, her door was still closed and her hell cat was still in there with her, thank god.   

Rebecca woke to the smell of fresh brewed coffee.  Was she still dreaming?  She didn’t have any coffee.  Shoving Goldy off so she could make sure there wasn’t a fire or something and her screwed up sense of smell was playing tricks on her, she peeked out her door.  She gasped and shut it again quickly.  Son of a bitch, so it wasn’t a dream.  He was really here still and he did sleep on her couch.  But now he was in her miniscule kitchen making coffee and cooking stuff.  She took a deep calming breath, trying to still her heart rate.  Last night she’d been so sure that he’d been trying to get her in pants and bed that she would’ve bet money on him being gone before she was up this morning since she went to bed alone. 

They’d spent hours on the couch, talking, kissing and laughing.  He told her some funny shit from his travels and she told him some of her crazier stunts.  There’d been the request from him to see some of her pictures and from there they’d spent a long time looking at some of her prints.  In the end, he’d told her she had talent and should think seriously about pursuing her dream of becoming a free lance photo journalist.  After more kissing that she could ever remember doing, he’d walked her down the hall to her bed and tucked her in, by herself.  Her thoughts were whirling as she rubbed her still tender lips… 

*** 

He slid in behind her on the bed.  She said she was tired and was going to take a nap after lunch.  His parents understood and weren't at all offended that she needed to snooze, they both knew the real reason.  Their Christmas Eve eve afternoon was quiet this year anyway, thanks in part to the weather and his family wanting to give him some down time to relax.  But it was almost dinner time and his mom asked him to check on her and see if she wanted any dinner.  She didn't stir as the bed shifted with his weight.  She was sound asleep, he could see.  He kept his weight on his elbow so he could look at her and watch her sleep, illuminated only by the faint outside reflection of the Christmas lights on the snow.  He still couldn't get enough of her, even now.  She looked so peaceful when she slept, he mused.  No, more like young and vulnerable he corrected himself.  Maybe this was one of the few times she didn't have one of her many masks on or her guard up.  There were a few times she wasn’t holding something back or hiding part of herself from everyone.  It still drove him crazy that she didn’t think her shit was important enough to talk about.  But maybe later tonight he’d try again.  It had been a couple of months since he’d pushed her on it and he felt a little more urgency with their babies now.  Their boys, he corrected himself and knew he smiled just thinking about it.  Him, a father to two boys.  Two boys that better not do some of the shit he used to or he’d…hell, he wasn’t going to do anything to them other than love them and their mother and he knew it.  As long as they didn’t know that their dad was a pushover, everything would work out just fine.   

That brought him back to her request that he choose a boy’s name that went with the middle name Michael.  He understood why she paired him with that name.  She’d told him he’d done the same to Mike.  He got to pick a name that went with the middle name John.  The only stipulations she put on him was not some funky ass name and please don’t choose Edward.  She said that many others were going to be naming their baby boys in honor of their much loved friend, Lillian being the first.  He didn’t even know she was pregnant.  So she didn’t want either of their boys to feel like they had a name that everyone else had or that their parents didn’t care enough to come up with something else.  He also knew that by switching the names around, there would be no junior.  He was okay with that anyway, especially with twins.  That wouldn’t be fair.  He had a name in mind but he wanted to run it by her and see if she was okay with it.  The only other stipulation was that she’d asked him to keep it quiet, just in case.  He didn’t understand her superstition, but if it made her happy to keep the name just between them, then he’d do it.  Hell, he’d do whatever she asked him and he knew it.  He was surprised that she didn’t.   

His rambling thoughts were interrupted by her.  Her breathing shifted into shallow short breaths.  He instantly worried, worried that she might be in premature labor or something and if so, what the hell was he gonna do when they were damn near snowed the fuck in?  He started to worry about that as he heard her quietly groan.  Oh fuck.  What to do?  Not now, not here, just before Christmas.  Oh no, not his baby and their babies.  He started to get frantic as he listened to her breathing becoming more shallow and rapid.  She groaned again and licked her lips.  He frowned as he watched her.  She snuggled back into him and almost purred.  Swear to God, that was exactly what it sounded like.   

Like somebody throwing a switch in his brain, his worry stopped instantly as he realized what was really happening.  He sat up a little higher so he could watch and enjoy the view.  He couldn’t stop his grin as he listened to her pant and groan in her sleep.  Wonder who she’s dreaming about?  Who was he kidding, she was dreaming about her boyfriend, Mike.  Why would you even think about it asshole?.  His physical reaction to her dream was making itself known as she squirmed her ass against him.  He clamped his lips shut as she groaned again and mumbled.  His left hand strayed from his hip as he reached for her breast, just to help her, he told himself.  She didn’t seem to notice, but she kept tossing her head and groaning.  Oh baby, this was an eye opener.  Who knew that his baby had dreams like he did?  He thought women didn’t have wet dreams like guys.  At least that what they’d always told him.  He’d never asked her.  He didn’t stop himself as his lips nibbled her shoulder.  He was rewarded by more groans from her and more mumbling. 

"It's okay baby.  I'm here," he whispered against her neck.  She groaned in response and gripped his hand that had slid down to her hip. 

"Johnny," she mumbled.  His long buried hope soared as he heard his name on her lips.  She had only ever called him that when they were in bed.  The last time she called him that was when her thighs were wrapped around his ears.  He swallowed hard at the vivid memory, trying to ignore his own need as he waited, wanting to help her in her erotic dream.  Problem was it was damn erotic to him too.  Just hearing her speak his name sent more heat through him, making it difficult to maintain his distance.  Not here, not now in his parents’ house.  They couldn't.  He couldn't.  No, he repeated to himself. 

"Johnny," she whispered again and reached around and grabbed his head, bringing his lips in contact with hers.  His control almost snapped as he tasted her menthol flavor.  She pulled his head around, but he braced himself with his left hand on the bed in front of her.  He knew if he didn't, he’d rip her clothes off and he couldn't do that in his parents’ house.  Not now, not right here.  All those thoughts faded as she mumbled against his lips and he felt her whole body shudder in release. 

"I gotcha," he said softly against her lips.  She moaned again as another shudder rocked her.  He was captivated by her, remembering the touch of her, the feel of her and how she felt when she gripped...he shook his head trying to steer himself away from that dangerous path.  She claimed his lips again, forcing her way into his mouth to tease and torment him with her devilish tongue.  He refused to put up any kind of fight, preferring to let her have what she wanted.  He loved kissing her and he told himself he could stop before it went too far.  In the darkness of his little brother’s room, he gave himself to her all over again.  He could tell the exact instant when consciousness returned to her by her lips and tongue.  She pulled her tongue away from its sinful dance with his and pulled away from him completely. 

“John,” she asked.  The lust filled haze in his brain was making thinking difficult for him.  He took a deep breath as he flopped on to his back beside her. 

“Yeah, Baby,” he was finally able to answer. 

“What,” she started to say before he interrupted her. 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.  I didn’t mean to but you grabbed me,” he said quietly.  Silence met him.  It was too dark in Sean’s room for him to be able to read her face but he took a guess that she didn’t believe him.  He was still lost in the memory of her dream as she slept in his arms.  Damn that was hot. 

“Fuck,” she said quietly.  He felt her stir next to him.  He could only guess at her actions.  He was still waiting for his heart rate to stabilize before he felt ready to face the world again.  Speaking of that. 

“My mom sent me up here to see if you felt like dinner.  You don’t have to.  My family understands,” he assured her.  He felt her sit up and stand, leaving him alone on the bed.   

“How long did I sleep,” she asked him quietly.  She was still trying to come to terms with her awesome dream and the sensation of waking up and realizing that maybe it wasn’t a dream after all. 

“Couple hours,” John grunted.  “Not too long.” 

She licked her lips and could still taste him on them.  Oh God, if that was real, maybe the other stuff was too.  She definitely felt the warm languid feeling of being freshly fucked.  Oh shit. No. 

“John, did we?  I mean did I…” her voice trailed off as she tried to think of a nice way to ask him if she’d jumped him or not.  “I didn’t force you or anything, did I,” she asked.  John smiled in the darkness at her question and her timid manner.  She’d never have to force him to do any damn thing.  He’d be a willing participant in anything she wanted, always.  He thought back to all the times in his life when he’d been with a woman in some sort of relationship and knew that his feelings for Carrie were very different.  Carrie took the silence to mean he was trying to spare her feelings on the subject of her behavior. 

“Shit, John,” she said quietly as she raked her hair and stared out the window.  When did everything get so fucked up?  When did the one thing she prided herself on go completely out the fucking window?  Why did she seem to have no control any more, none? 

John sat up and got off the bed in silence.  He could see her outlined from the house Christmas lights reflected off the snow.  She seemed small and lost as she looked out into the darkness and he wanted to help her somehow.  Let her know that she didn’t have to be on guard with him all the time.  He was okay with the real Carrie, when she made an appearance.  They were rare, but he thought he spotted her a few times the last few days.   

“Carrie,” he said quietly as he reached out to her.  She turned and buried herself in his arms.  He wrapped her up and held her tight.  It was something she needed.  Hell, she needed someone to do this for her all the time.  He clenched his jaw to bite back the words that almost escaped.  If Mike ever, if he ever….he didn’t complete the thought but he knew there’d be no stopping him if her current boyfriend ever hurt her in any way.  His anger faded as he felt her start to shake in his arms, meaning she was crying again.  “Shhhh, Baby,” he said as he kissed the top of her head.  “You’re safe honey.”  She let out a ragged breath to try to stem the tide that was threatening to break and nodded into his chest.  A knock at the door broke their silence. 

“You kids okay,” John Sr.’s voice asked quietly. 

“Yeah, Dad.  You can come in,” John said quietly.  He knew that his dad had been sent up to find out what they were up to and to break up anything that wasn’t appropriate, just like when he lived at home.  Some things never change.  The door opened quietly and Senior stepped into a darkened room.  He spotted the two figures by the window and shook his head.  Maybe Claire was right?  Maybe he should have come up here earlier.  He didn’t think Johnny’d be that disrespectful of their home, but then he’d been gone a long time. 

“I’m turning on the light,” Senior warned just before he flipped it on.  He blinked at the two by the window, fully clothed and breathed a sigh of relief. 

Johnny looked at his dad and grinned.  He knew exactly what he thought he might see once the light was turned on and both of them fully clothed was not it. 

“Sorry to disappoint, Dad,” John teased.  Senior shook his head at his son and looked at the small woman wrapped in his arms.  He could see she was trying to rub her eyes discreetly and possibly make sure her nose wasn’t running.  That’s when he knew she’d been crying.  Oh lord, he thought.  What stupid thing had his son done now?  Carrie pulled away finally with one last swipe at her swollen eyes and turned to meet the man who’d been sent up to check on them.  She understood. 

“Thanks for coming to get us,” she said, flashing him an embarrassed smile.  His grin almost snapped what little control she had managed, it was so much like the man whose arms she had just been in. 

“Well, Claire didn’t want dinner getting cold.  You know how she is.  Junior’ll tell you.”  Junior chuckled at his dad. 

“Oh yeah.  Mom does not like her holiday dinners to go to waste, let me tell you,” he said as he reached for her hand so they could descend together. 

“You two go ahead.  I need to run to the bathroom, again,” she giggled.  Both men nodded and left her to it.  Claire looked up from her tasks in the kitchen at the sounds on the stairs. 

“Where’s Carrie?  She okay,” Claire fussed. 

“She’s fine, Mom.  She just had to run to the bathroom, as always,” John said with a smile and a wink.  He reached for a biscuit and she slapped his hand away. 

“You can wait,” she scolded her oldest son.  He was always hungry, but then all of her boys seemed to be hungry all the time.  She wondered if little girls were the same.  She’d never had the chance to find out.  “Tell your brother and Megan that dinner’s ready, will you,” she asked her oldest.  He nodded and walked from the kitchen in search of the newlyweds.   

“How was she,” Claire asked her husband as he pulled her close since he happened to be standing under the mistletoe.  He ignored her question as he smiled and looked up.  Her eyes followed his and she smiled back at him and blushed. 

Several breathless minutes later, John pulled his lips away from his wife as he said,” I don’t know.  I think she was crying earlier.”  He picked up the thread of conversation like there’d been no interruption.  Claire frowned at his answer.  She didn’t know Carrie well enough to know if she cried all the time or if her son was responsible for it or if it was being stuck due to the snow or what. 

“Hmm,” was the only sound she made in acknowledgment of the information. 

“Does she know about tonight,” Senior asked in reference to the family tradition of midnight mass. 

Claire smiled at him as she said, “Oh yeah, we talked about it.  It seems she’s been to midnight mass before with her adoptive family.  They’re Catholics too.”  At her husband slow nod she continued, “She offered to stay in the nursery so others could participate.  I told her it wasn’t necessary, but she said we really didn’t want to hear her sing.”  Her eyes were smiling as she shared her amusement over the thought. 

“Hear who sing,” Matt asked as he grabbed a biscuit on the way past.  “Toad’s not singing, is he,” he asked with the appropriate eye roll.  Matt never hesitated to call his oldest brother by one of his many family nick names.  He pulled the chair out for his beautiful blonde bride of eight months.  Once she was settled, he leaned down and pressed a kiss on her cheek.  She was looking especially lovely tonight, he thought.  The pale blue of her sweater contrasted with her dark slacks.  She would normally dress up a little more, but the weather made both of them realize that a suit and tie or a party dress wasn’t quiet the thing tonight and his parents wouldn’t care anyway.  They were just happy to share some of the holiday with them. 

“So what if I was,” John teased Matt, with a wink to Megan. 

“What are we waiting on,” Matt asked impatiently.  His mom’s biscuit had whetted his appetite and he was dying to dig in. 

“Carrie,” Megan reminded him.  His look showed he’d forgotten.  He shrugged off any embarrassment.  This was his family, they didn’t care. 

“Sorry to hold every one up,” the lady in question said as she stepped up to the table.  Fritz was right by her side as usual.  From the moment she’d entered the house three days ago, his mother’s little schnauzer had rarely left her, John noticed.  Lucky for both of them, she seemed to enjoy his company.  John jumped up and pulled out her chair for her.   

As she scooted back into the table she glanced around at all the faces that were looking at her expectantly.  They must have been talking about something private since they’d hushed up as soon as she appeared.  No one made her feel unwelcome, in spite of the fact that her departure was delayed and intruding on family plans.  She felt the little dog wrap himself around her feet and sigh.  She couldn’t stop the grin as she pictured him.   

Steve noticed the grin and asked, “What’s got you smiling?”  He thought it might be his brother since he’d never seen his brother act the way he’d been since he’d come home with Carrie on his arm.  She shook her head at his question, knowing they’d all think she was silly. 

“Fritz.  He’s curled around my feet, keeping them warm,” she giggled. 

“John,” Claire said.  Her husband started to get up to fetch the animal. 

“Oh no.  I don’t mind.  He knows my feet get cold.  I don’t mind, really,” Carrie assured John’s parents. 

“But Junior said you were allergic,” Claire said quietly.  Just as Carrie was going to open her mouth, Matt interrupted her. 

“I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m dying here.  Can we just say grace so I can eat,” Matt whined.  Megan nudged him with her elbow.  He shot an unapologetic look back at her. 

“Sorry,” Carrie said quietly. 

“Don’t be.  That boy thinks he’s always dying,” Senior said with a wink.   

She felt John clasp her left hand and Claire reached over for her right.  This was something that they seemed to do at every dinner, say grace or a prayer or whatever.  She bowed her head and waited.  She had assured them that she wasn’t offended the first time and she wasn’t.  Besides, she was the visitor and she’d never intrude on the Cena family.  They were all that she had imagined them to be, and then some.  Tonight’s meal was a small one, but tomorrow’s was supposed to be much larger with a lot more of the clan, most of whom she'd not met yet.  John’s next youngest or oldest brother, she wasn’t sure how it worked, but the one that was only a year younger and his wife and son were coming over in the morning.  She’d met them yesterday and had felt instantly at ease with them.  Of course it could’ve been five year old Benji, she mused.  Her thoughts were stopped from anything further as she heard amen, signaling the end of the prayer.  John gave her hand a gentle squeeze before he released her.  She met his eyes and was rewarded by a wink from him.  He was so silly, she couldn’t stop her smile. 

“Is he still climbing on the bed,” Claire asked.  Carrie blinked, John blushed and looked away, unsure of his mom’s question.  Claire’s lips twitched but she ignored their embarrassment as she continued.  “Is Fritz still sleeping on the bed,” she asked.  Matt grinned at his brother’s discomfort and didn’t stop his laughter at his mom’s question.  Carrie nodded wordlessly and was able to offer a weak smile.  “John, can you control your dog, please,” Claire asked her husband.  He looked up from helping himself to a plateful of dinner and nodded through his frown. 

“He’s fine.  I miss having a dog and he sweet and doesn’t take up much space,” Carrie said as she put a serving spoon into some strange looking pie.  She thought she’d give it a try, John had whispered that it was safe, meatless. 

“You had a dog growing up,” Megan asked, trying to get to know the small pretty woman opposite her.  She had a feeling she’d be seeing a lot more of her over the years if she was reading Junior right.  Carrie nodded since her mouth was full. 

“Us too.  We always had at least a dog and a cat and a,” was all Megan got out before Matt interrupted her.  

“I know, I know.  You want a dog.  I know,” he said in a long suffering tone.  He didn’t tell her that he’d talked to her family to find out what kind of dog and that he’d been in contact with a breeder for months and that when the roads were clear enough,  they’d go out to pick up their new family dog.  He knew she thought he didn’t want a dog, so she was going to be surprised.  He hoped it was a good one for her. 

As was usual for her, Carrie kept quiet at dinner and let the conversation flow over and around her.  She wasn't used to loud dinner table conversations growing up.  They almost always had to keep the noise down or risk irritating their mother.  She reached for some more of that interesting pie since it was really tasty. 

John smiled at her actions and didn’t stop himself from teasing her with, “Guess you like sweet potato pie, Carrie.”  Carrie frowned at him.  She didn’t like sweet potato pie, it tasted like shit. 

“No, I don’t think so,” she said quietly as she spooned more orange goo on to her plate. 

“Do you always eat seconds of stuff you don’t like,“ Matt asked her with a wide grin.  Claire frowned at him trying to get her point across.   Carrie stopped her action of loading up her plate and looked at him seriously.  Her eyes went back to her plate then back to John with the question clearly visible to all.  

“Oh yeah, Baby,” John laughed.  “That’s sweet potato pie you’re eating.”  He glanced at his mom and winked. 

“But I don’t like that,” Carrie said, still confused. 

“Could’ve fooled us,” Matt teased.  Megan jabbed her elbow into his ribs again to remind him of his promise to her to behave tonight.  They had some news to share and she wanted the family calm when they talked to them.  But at Matt’s current rate, things wouldn’t stay calm for very long.  They never did.  Cena family gatherings were rarely quiet and calm.  Megan was surprised that a loud discussion hadn’t broken out yet.  It proved to her how much Carrie must mean to Junior if he wasn’t willing to get into a verbal sparring match with his brother.  Maybe her guess was right, she mused.  She risked another glance at Carrie and had to bite down on her laugh at the total look of confusion on the other woman’s face as she glared at her plate. 

"Baby, just put the bowl in front of you.  That way you don't have to worry about making a mess on the table cloth," John teased her ruthlessly.  Her eyes snapped to his, verifying that he was teasing her.  He winked at her and grinned as he had another mouthful of his mom's special roast beef.  She tried to fight the grin that was threatening.  She couldn't believe she was eating something that normally grossed her out.  This whole craving things and changing taste was so weird.  She'd never have believed it could be so strong.   

That thought reminded her that no one besides John's parents knew of her pregnancy and now next oldest brother and wife.  It wasn't that they weren't happy about it, because they had obviously welcomed her with open arms, but the general assumption was that Matt and Megan had similar news.  Both Carrie and John had asked to keep it quiet so they didn't steal their thunder.  It was one of the many things they'd agreed on in the last few days.   

She heard John say, "It happens sometimes."  He touched her hand lightly to get her attention. 

"Sorry," Carrie said.  She was embarrassed that she'd wandered during a meal with his family.  That was totally rude.  "I spaced out there for a minute," she admitted. 

"See," John tossed at his brother.  Matt’s dark brows scrunched up as he considered that maybe his brother's girlfriend was a space cadet.  He didn't think Johnny'd be able to stand that for very long, no matter what she looked like. 

"Care to share," John asked quietly as he shoveled in more dinner.  She smiled at his full cheeks.  He must have taken a huge bite. 

"Um, I was thinking about the snow and how I used to get my car stuck when I was in college," she said quietly.  She had briefly thought about, so technically she was being truthful.  John swallowed his food and laughed before he said anything. 

"Don't worry, honey.  You are not driving while you're here.  The world is safe," he teased.  Claire's brows raised at her son's obvious dismissal of Carrie's driving skills.  John saw her expression and knew he'd need to explain or his mother would think he'd turned into a complete chauvinist. 

"Carrie doesn't do well in the snow, Mom.  She learned how to drive in it when she went away to school," he explained.  That seemed to mollify Claire somewhat.  Matt and Megan stayed quiet during the exchange, not wanting to jump in and wreak more havoc with an innocent remark.   

"Did you go to school around here," Megan asked, still trying to get to know Carrie better.  She didn't think she was a space cadet, but instead someone under a lot of stress. 

Carrie shrugged her shoulders before she answered.  She needed to swallow her mouthful of pie and wanted to use the time to figure out how to say she went to MIT without everyone getting weird about it.  It always happened, whenever anyone learned she'd graduated from MIT, they treated her differently.  Well, everyone except her family and John, she reminded herself. 

***

"Just say yes, Baby," John murmured against her shoulder.  He heard her sigh before she pulled back from being wrapped in his arms.  He felt a little flash of irritation and briefly toyed with holding her hostage until she said exactly what he wanted to hear, but knew it wouldn't work.  She was still the most stubborn woman on the face of the earth and if he pushed her, he'd get to see it personally. 

"John," bright green eyes locked onto his as she questioned him.  He could see her questions within her gaze and wanted to answer all of them for her, but knew she wouldn't allow it, at least not yet.  She raked her hair as she searched his face for something.  He wasn't sure what she was looking for, but she seemed to have either given up or found it because she quirked a brow at him. 

He bit back his growl at her obvious challenge.  His animalistic side was never very far away when he was with her, but he'd been dangerously close to throwing all restraints off in the last few days.  Instead he tried to swallow unobtrusively and wait.  Wait her out. 

"Honey, didn't we talk about this enough?"  At his stare, she could see that maybe they hadn't or maybe he'd forgotten.  She tried again.  "You need to be safe.  You need to focus all your energies on your job, Honey."  As his head began to slowly shift back and forth in denial, she forged on.  "I'm all fucked up.  You know that more than most.  What?  Why?  Who the hell," she was getting exasperated with herself.  He took a step towards her and she looked up in alarm.  He looked angry, she thought.  Angry and hurt. 

Without warning he reached for her and pulled her tight to his chest.  Before she had a chance to catch her breath and protest, his hands cupped her face.  His lips met hers as he growled.  Her own body's response betrayed her previous words and actions.  She felt her legs almost buckle so she gripped his arms to steady herself.  He titled his head so he could gain better access to her hot mouth and tongue.   

As soon as he felt her body mashed up against him, his hard won controlled vanished.  He slid a hand down to her round, delectable ass and gripped her tight.  He ground his hips against her, enjoying the feeling of her against him and reminding both of them of the passion they shared.  Oh God, he wanted this.  He wanted her, still.  After all this time, he still craved her.  After that, no other thought permeated his brain.  He had given himself over to the sensations that were running through him.  He felt her shake with her own answering desire.  He untangled his hand from her hair, shifted his hand on her ass and picked her up.  Her legs wrapped around his hips without hesitation.  He knew the layout in his room without opening his eyes so he was safe striding to his old bed and falling back on to it.  He kept her pinned on top of him, letting his hands roam and his hips grind.  He nipped her bottom lip on his way to tasting her neck and shoulder.  Oh yeah.  This is exactly what we need to celebrate the holiday.  He had a brief flash of them being in his parents’ house, but he pushed that thought away as he tasted her skin.  Her fingers dug into his shoulders and he felt the prick of pain from her nails.  The realization that she was gonna give him passion stripes inflamed him even more.  He rolled her over so he could look down into her eyes as he peeled her clothes off.  He wanted to savor every moment. 

"Baby?  Carrie, open your eyes sweetheart.  Look at me," he whispered as his fingers teased her left nipple through her sweater.  She reluctantly opened her eyes and lifted them to meet his.  He reared back from her when he saw her eyes glassy with unshed tears.  The realization that she was holding back tears doused his ardor quickly. 

"Carrie," he asked quietly as he rolled off of her.  She looked away, not sure how to say why she was on the verge of tears when he had aroused her so easily.  His brain ran through a bunch of reasons and he cursed himself as he hit on the most obvious. 

"I didn't mean to hurt you sweetheart," he murmured as his hand cupped her rounded tummy.  She shook her head in denial.  He felt like a total asshole for forgetting her pregnancy and pinning her down with his body.  What a piece of work you are Cena, he chastised himself.  You totally forget about her and your babies as soon as you get hot and horny.  Stupid ass, he finished his internal self flagellation. 

"I'm fine," Carrie said quietly.  She saw he didn't believe her so she tried again.  "You didn't hurt me or the babies, John.  That's not why," she left off speaking to him since she was still unable to explain exactly why she's had almost been crying, again.  This crying shit was getting real old.  She'd cried more in the last few months than she had in the last 20 years total.  She hated herself for being such a blubbering idiot, but couldn't seem to stop.  The last time she cried this much was when her dad passed, and even then she didn't have the luxury of tears, she had a little brother to protect. 

John stayed quiet next to her as his brain cleared and his guilt grew.  He stroked her tummy and looked at her face, waiting and watching for some answers.  Pushing or demanding never worked with her, he was all too aware of that. 

She sighed and touched his chin with her fingers.  He smiled at her simple touch, knowing she wanted him to look at her as she tried to explain. 

"This is so confusing.  So damn confusing and fucked up, John.  I don't know where to start," she said. 

"I love you, Carrie.  What's so confusing about that?   I know you love me, even though you don't think you do," he said as his voice trailed off as another thought occurred to him.  "Baby, I'd be the happiest man alive if you said yes.  I'd be the luckiest son of a bitch and I'd make sure everyone knew it.  Hell, I'd be bragging so much people would run away when they saw me coming for fear I was gonna start talking again."  He was just warming up to his subject so he continued.  "Hell, I want to shout it from the roof tops that Carrie Martin is carrying my babies and I'm one lucky bastard.  Do you know how hard it is for me to not say anything?  Do you know that every morning I wake up, I wanna touch you, I just want to see you, I want to talk to you?  I want to know how our babies are and feel them as they grow."  He paused for a breath.  "Damn woman, I want to get on the mic at the next RAW and tell every single person in the audience and on TV that The Franchise is gonna be a daddy, but I can't do that.  Vince would shit, to say nothing of what Stephanie would say."  He shook his head as those dark thoughts receded. 

Her life was so fucked up if John could get her hot and bothered with just a few touches and kisses.  What did that say about her, she worried.  That she was a complete and total slut, was her immediate answer.  She already had a boyfriend.  A boyfriend that loved her and wanted to protect her, in spite of everything.  She'd gone through years without any romantic entanglements and now she had two simultaneous.  Her life was definitely fucked up. 

"Baby," John started again.  "I don't know what it is.  Is it that you don't think I'm good enough or won't be happy with you?  Is it that you think I don't love you?  Don't want to be there for you?"  His eyes darkened as he said, "Don't you fucking tell me it's because you're older than me.  I'm not buying that bullshit, we talked about that a long time ago and I told you then it didn't matter and it still doesn't."  He watched her face for reactions to his words.  They were in his old bedroom at the far end of the house and he had his He-Man night light on.  It was enough to see her face, but her eyes were still shadowed. 

"It's not any of that, John.  It's that I don't want to bring you down.  Down to my level," she explained.  He snorted quietly. 

"What?  I'm over six foot baby, that ain't gonna change," he teased.  She shook her head at his words.  The meaning of what she didn't say finally hit him.  He sat up quickly and pulled her with him.  "Don't for one single second think you're not good enough."  His voice was no longer a whisper.  "Don't ever think you're not good enough, for me or anyone else.  You got it all backwards and twisted.  It's other people that need to worry if they're good enough for you."  She shook her head. 

"John, you don't know.  You don't know me," she said quietly. 

"That's because you won't tell me," he said with a stern glare her way.  "Do you want to play twenty questions, is that it," he asked on a sudden inspiration.  He nodded to himself and said, "Okay, I'll start," he said quickly before she had a chance to say anything.  "Is it something about your family," he asked.  He knew about her mother and father and what had happened there, but there were some serious gaps in his knowledge. 

She blinked at his abrupt change in attitude and the fact that he wanted to play twenty questions about this.  About any of this.  At his question, she shook her head.   

"Okay, it is something about you," he asked quickly.  His eyes grinned at her as she nodded.  "See, I knew I'd get this shit figured out.  Okay, something about you," he muttered to himself.  “Something recent,” he asked her.  She hesitated briefly then shook her head.  He flashed his dimples at her and was rewarded by a small smile.  She thought he was insane to want to play this at two am, Christmas morning. 

“Okay, something in school,” he asked.  She shrugged.  Oh, she’s played this before, he could tell.  The shrug was a giveaway.  Okay, so he needed to be more specific.  “Something in college?”  Again she hesitated before she shook her head.  There was so much in her past that she decided to focus on one thing.  There was plenty of shit in college, but she wasn’t going to get into that tonight.  She was pretty sure he’d done some stupid shit then too.  “High school?”  A slow nod was his reward for a correct guess… 

*** 

“You think Mike’s calmed down,” David asked his wife.  She rolled over to face him and put her fingers to his lips with a smile. 

“No.  But then I have a feeling his holiday plans have gone to shit,” she said with a small giggle.  David chuckled quietly. 

“Yeah, poor bastard,” he said as his finger trailed down her back. 

“You’re mean, honey,” Kris said quietly as she closed her eyes and let herself get distracted by his talented fingers teasing her ass. 

“Hey, I’m not the one that was going to propose,” he said quietly.  Kris stiffened at her husband’s words as she looked in to his eyes to verify. 

“What,” she asked as her voice climbed in volume and octave.  Oh hell, David thought to himself.  He wasn’t supposed to say anything.  Shit.   

“Yeah.”  Might as well tell her the whole truth now that he’d let that bit slip, he thought.  “He’s got the ring, got the whole speech figured out and was gonna take her out tonight and ask her.  For real, not his daily shit.”   

Kris was stunned and a little surprised.  She wasn’t sure what to say to her husband’s revelation.  Dear God, was Kris’s only thought for several long moments.  She stared off, wondering and worrying.  Wondering if Carrie had any idea and worrying about what she’d say if Mike ever did ask her seriously.  She knew that her adoptive sister and best friend never wanted to get married.   Didn’t matter who asked her or how they asked, she always said no. 

“Dave,” Kris finally stirred herself enough to say.  A grunt was her response.  She touched his cheek to make sure he was awake enough to hear what she had to say.  He opened his dark eyes, aware that something was bothering her.  “Do you think Mike will be okay if she says no?”  David frowned at her question and thought about his best buddy and how much he loved Lil’ Sis, in spite of her contrariness or maybe it was because of it, he wasn’t sure. 

“I don’t know,” he admitted.  The thought that Carrie might